Dead Pussy

Laney and Audra were laying out by the pool.  

Laney was rubbing bronzer oil all over her already tan body.  

Audra was getting her self settled and comfortable.

"Its so damn hot!"  Laney was doing her normal, adapting to the sun complaining.  

"Why do we do this to ourselves?"

Audra laughed a bit and smiled.  "It's because we can't get enough of this time together!"

Laney knew Audra was right.   

"You want to hear about my date yesterday?" 

Laney was preppinag Audra for her adventures in dating story. 

"You know I do.  Let me guess it was the New York dude you met on a dating app?"  Audra had been patiently waiting for the update 

"You know it!!"  Laney knew Audra would love this date recap and had it all ready and primed for her.  

Laney was truly over dating and the stupid apps, but she couldn't resist this random guy she happened to start chatting with.  It was a New York thing really. 

Audra was fresh out of a break up.  She wasn't truly ready to begin dating anyone, however, she lived vicariously through Laney.  She knew when she was ready Laney would be there to support her dating escapades.

Laney began with a smile and twinkle in her eye.  

"Okay, so New York dude.  I actually let him pick me up. I was so happy to see he was decent. He had hair and was better looking in person compared to the iffy dating app profile. There was nothing werid at first glance and his personality was exactly what I had expected.

Phew, I had dodged a bullet, rarely do I let the guy pick me up before meeting him once.  

As Audra listened, she knew it was too good to be true. Something was going to be up with Mr. NY.

"We went out to eat and had a few drinks.  He starts telling me about his dead cat.  He was super upset over his cat. It died the evening before.  

I kinda understood, but he proceeded to tell me his cat was in a cooler at his house, waiting on her burial."

Audra looked over at Laney with horrified expression.  "No damn way.  Are you serious?"

"Yes. Dead serious!!"  Laney paused and smirked.

"So our entire date was almost like a memorial for his cat."

Laney watched Audra's face drop.  

Laney continued:

"I actually told him I was happy he would not be sending me any 'Cat Selfies,' because I actually had a guy do that to me and it was a total turn off.

"Cat Selfies!!!"   Audra was cracking up.

"Yes, but wait, it gets better.  

He asks me to meet his cat!!!

HIS DEAD CAT!!!

 I can't make this stuff up!!"  Laney's voice raised, but she was smiling

"His place was on the way home to drop me off.  I was thinking, DAMN! is this a ploy?  Is he using this dead cat story to kidnapp me or worse, have his way with me at his place?

It was the middle of the day and he really didn't look like a mass murder or rapist, so, I was like fuck it, show me your dead cat."

A few drinks will soften the most uncat person to a bless someone else's dead cat. 

Audra looked at Laney in disbelief. "You did not go over his house to see his dead cat in the cooler!?!"  Audra was mildly concerned. 

"Oh I most certainly did!  

Honestly, I had no qualms once we got to his house.  Not only was there an actual dead cat in a cooler, but also a cute, tiny dog yapping away.  This guy is a huge softy with his pets.

The cat was wrapped tight and had a few ice packs.  It was legit.  He chose to hang with me before burying the frigid feline.  I had to give the poor guy some credit. 

I said good bye to his cat and may have even shed a tear or two.  That cat was pretty dang cute for being dead.  I was a little sad I didn't meet the guy one day sooner, when the cat was still alive."  Laney was straight faced, but her eyes was smiling.  

Audra rolled her eyes with delight.  As Laney never disappoints.  "Is this what I have to look forward to?  Dead cooler cats on future dates?"

"Apparently so."  Laney's voice was flat.  "I offered to help him bury it, but I think he can handle that on his own." 

Moral of the Story:

Dead Cooler Cats most definitely not a ploy, but beware, if you offer to help bury the cat, it could potentially be date number two.