Cool as an Ity Bity cucumber

Mindy and Katie both had dates the evening prior.  They made plans for lunch the following day to compare notes and were eager to share what they hoped would be excellent experiences to one another. 

Let's lay out the circumstances one dater at a time.

Mindy was going on a date with a WWF Wrestler.  She was so stinkin' excited.  His photos were dripping hot.  They had been chatting for weeks.  She meet him online and was totally hot for him.

Katie was going on a date with a guy she had known forever. They met a few years ago when he worked at a local dance club. He was super cool and smooth.  They had untouchable chemistry.  They recently reconnected on Tinder and spoke on the phone a few times. 

Both boys were local.  Both boys had tremendous potential.  Hot Chemistry was the name of the game.

Let's talk about the actual dates.

We will begin with Katie and Dance Club dude.  Katie had only kissed her guy after they went on a few very enticing dates.  She felt she was ready to give him the green late.  Their chemistry seemed to be on par and she had always had a tremendous crush on this guy, even when she had a serious boyfriend.  He had this cool, relaxed vibe to him and when they locked eyes it sent shivers down her spine.  She was totally ready to take matters into her own hands and invited him over.  They both knew where this date was headed.

Mindy only wanted to get down with her WWF dude.  She was so over the dating crap, she really only wanted a hot guy to make her scream louder than the last.  She invited her guy over one night and was ready to have her mind blown.

Let's hear the girls talk about their experiences in their own words.

Mindy:  Omg, Katie. WWF was not nearly as hot in person.  I mean, he was cute, and played it off so cool, but he looked a lot younger and was so not dripping hot in person.  I really was ready for a throw down with my hot wrestler, and instead I got a slow down.  He was just kinda little. 

Katie:  Little.  That should be the theme for our dates.  If my guy was any smaller, I think I would have needed a magnifying glass to find it.  I was thinking, Is that it? Is it really in? The ENTIRE time!! The disappointment on my face, I know he saw it.  It was all I could do to pretend like I was enjoying it and hoped he'd finish as soon as possible.  It was like I wasn't even having sex.  This is what I have been waiting for all this time?  All that build up for nothing?"

Mindy:  "I totally understand.  This guy sorta warned me he wasn't that big, but I thought for sure he was just saying that.  Nope.  He was right.  Total disappointment.  The worse part is, he flat out told me he was really good in bed and that girls have actually stalked him for it.  No damn way a girl would want more of THAT!  Total waste of my entire night."

Katie: Well at least you didn't waste a month chatting the guy up.  Never again.  And to think, I almost broke up with my boyfriend for this dude three years ago.  Thank you Universe for saving me from a disaster.  

And than there was Lane

Lane was a women in her 40s.  She overheard the girl's chatting.  She laughed so hard when she figured out who the girls were talking about.  She strolled over to their table.  

"Hi girls. I just wanted to let you know.  It doesn't matter how old you are, dating is one disappointment at a time.  I have 'dated' both those dudes.  And let me tell you, do not feel even a tiny bit bad.  I would have been having the same exact conversations with my girlfriends.  Do not give up.  It's one Ity Bity Cucumber at a time until you find the one that fits flawlessly. 

I learned the hard way, never jump into bed with a guy before you know what you're working with.  Get a dic pic or a video.  Never let a guy blind side you."

They all laughed so hard. 

Moral of the story:  

Just because a guy acts all cool and confident, it does not mean he does not have an 'Ity bity cucumber.'  

Foreplay is always a good idea!